Once Upon a Time…
My husband has a podcast called The Folktale Project. Each week, he reads folklore from around the world. He’s fascinated by the stories that we’ve told each other for centuries, and how across time and culture, they are so often the same.
As a coach, I’m fascinated by the stories we tell ourselves. We all do this, whether we realize it or not. Something I’m certainly guilty of is when a friend doesn’t text back right away, I tell myself the story of why they’re mad at me. I could tell myself the story of how they’re driving or in an important meeting, but instead, I chose a story that inflicts unnecessary stress and pain.
While it’s certainly ideal to stay neutral and curious and accept that we don’t have all the facts in these situations, it’s so easy and natural to fill in the uncomfortable blanks ourselves, even to our own detriment.
There’s a lot to learn in the stories we tell ourselves, and I often point these stories out to my clients.
I have clients that tell the story of how they’ll never be a strong candidate for a job they desire and they’ll have to take a job they know they won’t like.
One client (who has her doctorate) was toying with the story that she might clean bathrooms for a living.
What do we learn from this story? Confidence is low and anxiety is high.
While the story is depressing fiction, I know we can work on confidence and anxiety!
Another client told me the story of how if she doesn’t take on all the work and responsibility of several vacant positions at work, her world, and the world of her company, will come crashing down.
What do we learn? That she’s feeling guilty, anxious, overwhelmed and struggling to set boundaries and ask for what she needs. She is hurting, but the story tells us where our work together needs to focus to be of service to her situation.
Can you catch yourself telling folktales and fairy tales? What are they trying to teach you? As a coach, stories are key to identifying the most important areas of our work together. Maybe it's time to tell me yours.
